So, once in a while I have to come out with an f-bomb, albeit a quiet one. This one was for the good of all children within shouting distance. Confused?

Every year my wife and I sell apparel at a local festival. We deal with the occasional customer who complains about prices or doesn’t like our selection (thirty different prints for an annual festival is pretty freakin good). But never before have we experienced an unhappy couple playing the who-is-the-biggest-villain game right next to our booth. FOR THIRTY MINUTES!

And she was loud. Loud enough for anyone passing by to hear her occasional f-bomb or a-hole comment. I kept expecting them to grow brains, to get the hint that this was a family festival with thousands of kids walking around. The dirty looks from myself and the customers weren’t working, so finally I boiled over.

Deep breath, shoulders back, here I go.

“I realize you’re having an important conversation here.”

Girl rolls eyes.

“No, not at all,” Guy responds.

Knockout shot…no, the kids don’t need to see that.

“Well, we’re running a business here and—”

“—We’re not hurting business.” Girl rolls eyes again.

Stale alcohol breathe engulfs me. Hmm. “There are lots of kids around…”

Guy nods, not the complete a-hole she’s made him out to be.

“…and your fu*#ing is getting kind of loud.”

I walk away. Couple leaves quietly.

Now, make your own scene.